Jeff "Captain Kirk" Wolfsberg

About a year ago, I was giving an assembly to a large school in the Midwest.  There must have been over a thousand people in the auditorium, both students and faculty. It was 8:00 AM and the weather on the way to school was cold and rainy.  Because of my schedule, I was speaking a week before finals.

These are not ideal speaking conditions. There is a big difference between a crowd who voluntarily comes to your talk and a crowd who is mandated to come.  As students clumsily took their seats and faculty assumed their perch along the sidewalls, cups of coffee in hand, papers to correct in the other, I sensed passive hostility.

Students assume the worst of course.  Another guy who going to tell us what to do, faculty if they don’t know me often default to if you’ve seen one drug speaker you’ve seen them all.  Students are barely awake and teachers are eager to retreat to their classrooms to prepare for finals.

I walked around the room introducing myself to those students willing to make eye contact.  This is a little speaker trick if you feel nervous. Maybe you’ll find a few friendly souls to make eye contact with during your talk.  Instead, one student asked, “How long are you talking?” and another said “I saw you last year at another school, are you going to say the same thing?” I was.

Sue Blaney

Guest Blogger - Sue Blaney is a speaker and an award winning author of several books and programs for parents of teenagers. She recently won the Mom’s Choice Award for her audio program You’re Empowered! Parenting Teens with Conviction, Communication and Love. Download her free e-book “Secrets to Success in Parenting Your Teen” and visit her website at PleaseStoptheRollercoaster.

Jeff Wolfsberg asked me to write a guest post for you here on his blog. I’m a fan of Jeff’s work, and as I read through some of his recent postings one thing really stands out for me: Jeff believes in your teen’s goodness. He believes teens want to be healthy, fit, and to make good decisions. Despite what the media might portray about teenagers, Jeff’s firm belief in them stands as a powerful reminder of who they really are and the potential in each and every one. We mustn’t let images and portrayals in the media give us an erroneous impression about teens.

I work not with teenagers, but with their parents. And, like Jeff does with teens, I spend time defending parents. When something goes wrong with a teen, fingers are pointed at the parents without regard to feelings, fairness or even accuracy. Having worked with parents across the country, I see that parents care deeply and are doing their best to raise their teens well. But, with teens, it isn’t often clear what is a parent’s best strategy or response to a given situation. Sometimes it’s difficult to communicate with your teen, or to get him to open up to you. This doesn’t mean you are failing as a parent, more accurately it may simply reflect the fact that you are in the midst of a dramatic period of adjustment and change as your teenager is developing independence, ideas and experiences separate from you. This is a time when parents need to give extra attention to your relationship and invest some effort in developing new skills.